Is a Funny Death Too Much to Ask?

One thing I know is that I want to leave them laughing.

I used to have a specific idea about what happens after someone dies. And it always played out the same way in my head. Everyone wearing all black piles in to an attorney’s office. There is always one lady with an oversized hat sitting on the front row slightly sobbing. The attorney somberly reads the will and a fight ensues. But then it turns out that a lady lurking in the back is actually the dead guy’s mistress and she gets everything! Yeah, I watch too many movies.

OK. So now I’m older. I’m married and have kids. I’ve got to actually think about this stuff and I’ve learned that there is way more to it. A will only covers part of it. There are digital assets, insurance policies, the location of photos and personal documents, and pretty much anything else you ever touched in life. Without a little bit of planning, a surprise passing could leave your family struggling for years to account for it all.

But let’s talk about my Estate Plan. I am a pretty low-key guy. I don’t walk around with gold chains, flashy cars, or diamonds. True story: the dish set my family uses is the exact same dish set I bought at Wal-Mart for $20 over 13 years ago for my first apartment. At this point, I will never get rid of those things just to see how long they can hang in there. But if they should make it to my death, you bet those suckers are going in my will. Because that’s how I roll.

I don’t plan on ever having a mistress and my wife does not own an extra-large black hat, so my vision of a perfect will-reading simply won’t work. Rather, I want my will to be funny. In general, I think people think of me as a pretty funny guy so why not give them one last laugh. Oh the thing my attorney will have to commit to print in an otherwise boring legal document! I hope he has a sense of humor, but I think I know just the guy for that job.

Of course I will leave the bulk of my assets to my family in a reasonable manner. But, I am also going to give something to everyone I know. Everyone! In fact, there is lamp sitting right next to me as I type. It’s an ugly lamp, nothing special. But someone is going to find out that I thought so much of them in life that they’re now the lucky winner of one single ugly lamp.

Really the possibilities are endless. In fact, I even plan on stealing small items from my friends and then bequeathing it back to them. I’ll be dead, so who cares if they press charges? I even have the idea of leaving my invisible friend to someone. I am not sure I can legally do that, but you bet I will try. I just want my family and friends to laugh one last time at my expense. If I can do that, I’ll be a happy corpse.

So there you have it. That’s my plan. Oh, and the dishes, that is no joke and those are staying in the family! Wal-Mart dishes for life people!


Jeff Edwards is an awesome blogger, better known for writing “A blog about stuff” called Unprecedented Mediocrity. He happens to also be a fan of Estate Map, which happens to be a cool tool that actually makes it easy to start a process that could otherwise be dull and somber.